my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
