Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
