just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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