nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
