Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
