Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
