how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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