Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
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We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize