Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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