I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
