he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
