you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
