She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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