We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Girls should come with a carfax report
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
