Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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