The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
