i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
