i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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