I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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