You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
