So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
