How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
