I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
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We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
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I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm like, not good at living.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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