Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
