He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
