I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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