Your mouth is God's brothel.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
