hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
