I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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