before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
