what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Randomize
