so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
