Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
