I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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