If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
We need to feng shui this bitch.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize