dude i'm inner monologue high
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize