i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
