birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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