I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
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my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
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we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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