so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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