Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
