Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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