Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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