Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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