some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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