I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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