when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
