Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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