everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
