maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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