I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
