Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
