i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize