ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
