I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
