How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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