i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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