I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
