I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
