I would go down on you faster than GM stock
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
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The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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