I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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