so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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