The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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