is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
