1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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