sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
