Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
