Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
this will be a night to untag.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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