forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
It's rum buckets o'clock
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
