I bet he comes in French.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
