so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
