we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
