I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
