you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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