i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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