i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
