My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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