i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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