apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
