xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
