I just pynch a tree in the face
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
