hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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