what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
