What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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