My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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