Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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